My ex and I now live in the same city—should I rekindle the relationship?

My ex and that i split up for logical reasons, i.e. lengthy distance and various existence situations-not too little feelings or perhaps a unfaithfulness. Since that time, individuals logical reasons have shifted towards better ones: I have moved home early and that i got the task I needed in the city.

There’s these feelings within my gut the world is setting us up to get together again, however i seem like how people normally view exes is quite negative (“don’t speak with them again”, “never reconcile with someone you accustomed to see”, “you shouldn’t be friends with them”, “you receive over someone through getting under another person”). I’m torn between this gut feeling and societal norms about exes.

What exactly are your ideas on rekindling past flames that did not finish negatively? Just how can people decipher between gut feelings/knowing as well as their ego/these ideas from a less positive place?

I’ve been considering your question a great deal previously couple of days, contemplating the easiest method to begin. Must I begin with an anecdote? Must I present a summary of rhetorical questions? However I made the decision, I’d rather start by simply stating the apparent, when i think it is exactly what will best last and then any other readers who finish up in similar predicaments. So here you go:


Seriously. Help make your ex no ex-like at this time. Using the hot mess that’s 2020, there’s seriously virtually no time such as the give do what feels right and true inside your gut. You need to be around him, also it seems like he wants to get along with you. Nothing inside your question alludes to unhealthy patterns or warning flags. You stated you split up for logical reasons, not insufficient feelings or unfaithfulness.

“Who stated it isn’t normal to obtain back by having an ex?”

And who stated it isn’t normal to obtain back by having an ex? Sure, your relationship ended, however i know greater than a couple of couples who’ve known as it quits for any season after which rekindled the romance, my parents incorporated. They dated within their mid-twenties before separating because my dad stated he wasn’t ready for any romantic relationship (I believe he understood my mother was the main one and merely got scared). They spent 2 yrs seeing others before embracing the inevitable and living out their love story. They simply celebrated their 30th anniversary earlier this spring.

Relationships are complicated and untidy, and there’s no such factor as “normal.” Every relationship is really as unique because the people involved. The main one factor I’d challenge you to definitely consider is the concentrate on societal norms. All of us put an excessive amount of focus on what others will think whenever we not in favor of the flow of “normal,” myself incorporated. All individuals clichés about how exactly we ought to and shouldn’t communicate with an ex are not useful. You need to do what is the best for you and also for your better half, period. If you wish to be together and have the relationship is appropriate, recognition that.

And believe in gut it may sound as if you have strong intuition. If you are still feeling conflicted and as if you can’t differentiate between societal narratives and what’s true, possibly create some peace and quiet to journal, meditate, and sit alone together with your ideas and feelings. Sometimes our true voice only comes forward after we’ve removed the internal clutter and silenced the critical voices. Relationship therapists will also help with this particular. While therapy isn’t always accessible, there are several online sources with sliding scale options.

“Sometimes our true voice only comes forward after we’ve removed the internal clutter and silenced the critical voices.”

Don’t forget this: you realize yourself best, and you’re the only person which will make this decision. Not your loved ones and buddies. Not society. Not really your boyfriend or girlfriend. You have to determine if this relationship is what you would like. As the internet friend, I’d say you know the solution. x

P.S. Congratulations on obtaining the job you desired!!