Jealousy vs Envy: Spotting The Difference

Why Shall We Be Held So Jealous?

If only I’d wrote that, I frequently think, studying another writer’s essay or book. I’ve frequently battled with envy and jealousy within my career. I’ll evaluate other writers’ work, wondering if I’ll have similar “success.” An attractive sentence can send me right into a spiral of pity and pettiness.

It’s difficult to admit (presently cringing when i type), however these feelings are too familiar and incredibly real. I must help remind myself that jealously and envy are common human responses, even when they frequently invoke profound shame and feelings of insecurity.

“Envy and jealousy are facets of ego and everyone has egos included in the human condition,” explains psychotherapist and author Joyce Marter, LCPC. “We are people, unlikely to become perfect, and therefore are all works happening. It’s perfectly normal and understandable to see jealousy and envy every so often.”

What’s important is recognizing the start of these feelings and understanding how to control and funnel them instead of the other way round. Jealousy and envy can educate us, as long as we allow them to.

TWO SIMILAR, BUT DIFFERENT Feelings

“While we frequently use ‘envy’ and ‘jealously’ interchangeably, there is a subtle scientific distinction,” states Jasmine Chen, Founder & Chief executive officer of Existence Intelligence, a science-backed application for emotional and relational wellness.

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“If you’re worried you might lose something (or someone) to a different person, you’re experiencing jealousy. But when you’re longing for what another person presently has that you simply don’t, that’s envy.”

Among the simplest ways to distinguish backward and forward feelings would be to consider loss versus gain. If you are worried you might lose something (or someone) to a different person, you’re experiencing jealousy. But when you’re longing for what another person presently has that you simply don’t, that’s envy. Both feelings are moored in fear and scarcity mindset.

Jealously is frequently related to perceived threats to romantic relationships, especially sexual and romantic kinds. The sensation is rooted in suspicion, anxiety, distrust, and often low self-esteem. Though a totally natural emotion, it isn’t always healthy or useful for the relationships, particularly when we allow it to drive our responses and decisions.

“People who’ve had traumatic betrayals for example infidelity, is much more prone to experience jealousy than individuals who’ve had relationships that haven’t been threatened or broken by someone else,” states Marter.

For instance, you might feel jealous if a person is threatening what they have-possibly employment title or relationship. When they feel vulnerable to losing their role to a different team member, they may get jealous.

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“Envy illuminates a desiring what others obtain that we don’t, also it highlights underlying insecurities, including ones we might not realize exist.”

Envy, however, sits much deeper than jealousy. It’s an upward social comparison, connected with feelings of inferiority, longing, and disapproval, states Chen.

Envy illuminates a desiring what others obtain that we don’t, also it highlights underlying insecurities, including ones we might not realize exist. Revisiting writing for example, my feelings of envy indicate the insecurity which i won’t ever attain the same writing success as others I admire.

When individuals have something which we desire, we fear that people may never have it to live in. Which makes it hard to be at liberty for an additional person’s happy experience, explains Marter-like a promotion or perhaps an engagement.

ENVY AND JEALOUSY AS TEACHERS

Shame includes a tight grip with regards to feelings of envy and jealousy, which shame will keep us from acknowledging the reality to ourselves. We may bury our feelings, wishing they eventually disappear. What if rather of attempting to cover from jealousy and envy, we sitting with this feelings and allow them to educate us, guide us even?

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Jealousy reveals us to ourselves,” states literary critic Parul Sehgal in her own TED Talk, An Ode to Envy. However this thought only happens through self-reflection. We are able to harness our envy for motivation towards our goals, adds Chen. So we can contemplate our jealousy to check out methods to strengthen our relationships. “This might be focusing on yourself, and improving yourself-esteem,” Chen states.

Guiding questions might help us, too. I especially love these journal prompts to refocus on my small core values, move forward from surface feelings, and explore the main reason for my envy or jealousy.

Practice self-reflection and explore why you might be experiencing these feelings,” explains Marter. “Journaling or speaking having a friend or counselor will help you possess a cathartic experience and type your feelings.”

You should consider asking: What’s the story I’m telling myself? We frequently weave narratives about ourselves or any other people’s lives whenever we experience jealousy or envy, explains Segal. These tales are hardly ever true and just feed into our insecurities, confirming our feelings within the details. Remember, both envy and jealousy are rooted inside a much deeper fear-either that we’ll lose something or never understand it. Fear is really a healthy human experience that people requirement for survival, however when not wrestled with, it may overtake us.

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It isn’t always a misplaced fear either, notes Marter. “Sometimes we all experience jealousy because there’s a genuine threat that should be acknowledged.” Our feelings might be pointing to damaged trust or limitations that should be addressed.

Relocating To APPRECIATION AND ACCEPTANCE

Ultimately though, envy and jealousy is definitely an invitation towards appreciation and acceptance. Rather of concentrating on fear and just what we might lose or never obtain, we are able to appreciate who we’re and just what finances. We are able to be at liberty for other people, too.

The greater I sit with my feelings of envy, the greater I recognize I’d rather be somebody who encourages and champions others within their pursuits and successes. Besides, many of us are capable and worthy of truly excellent achievements, and there’s room for everybody while dining. We do not have to compete or permit the scarcity mindset narrative to win. We are able to decide to feel excited and inspired by the achievements others.

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Reframe the folks you’re envious of as heroes,” states Marter. “This is a lot healthier than spiraling lower right into a dark hole of feelings of inadequacy and disempowerment.” She recommends getting a couple of professional and personal heroes.