I Just Need To Stop Saying “Just”…Right?

“I just-I am talking about-I think…”

I open my texts, mind towards the search bar, and kind in only. You will find a large amount of instances that appear.

“I wanted to inquire about advice should you be free for any second!”

“I only need some downtime.”

“I’m just considering my bed.” (Aren’t all of us?)

“I can’t help but question if I’m overusing qualifiers-and undermining myself along the way.”

I actually do exactly the same with my inbox but stop following the 500th mention. I lookup similar verbiage: I am talking about, I believe, or even the compound I am talking about I believe peppered into every conversation. Yet the thing is already obvious. I depend on qualifiers a great deal.

Sometimes, I worry I’ve upset or intimidated someone having a request, so I’ll add-on a just checking in or donrrrt worry otherwise. Other occasions, I personally use fillers as a little warmth, levity, or reassurance.

Speculate just often means a lot of things, like but now or certainly or just, I can’t help but question if I’m overusing it-and undermining myself along the way.

The Ability (Or Lack Thereof?) Of Filler Words

I attempted to pinpoint just when filler words grew to become a part of my everyday vocabulary, however it was nearly out of the question. In the current society, this softer language is ingrained in females while very young, much like emoji pleasantries and exclamation points in emails. So possibly it’s less an issue of “when made it happen start?” and much more “when did I notice?”

I’d say 2015, when #GirlBoss op-eds flooded the mainstream, discussing the number of professional women started refusing to make use of just in emails. Executives dissected how just self-sabotages women’s credibility, minimizing what we should really mean as well as proactively apologizing using these qualifiers. Is anybody surprised?

Inside a “man’s world,” we constantly accept the worry to be regarded as a nag or perhaps a bitch-so we’re trained to use more significant, gentler, “ladylike” language. It’s no shocker or perhaps accident that we’re trained by doing this, prioritizing pleasantness and likability over our very own needs. To that particular extent, it’s worth re-analyzing my technique for using these fillers and just how me are addressed.

“We are misperceived regardless of what we all do with similar finish result: Our types of communication continue to be considered inferior to men’s.”

However for every lady who’s effectively removed just from her vocabulary, especially in the workplace, you will find a large number of others who’ve been viewed as too abrasive, direct, or higher-confident. It’s a lose, lose. An unsurprising aftereffect of the patriarchy.

Regardless of what we all do, women are misperceived-either too passive or too aggressive-with similar finish result: Our types of communication continue to be considered inferior to men’s. Yet our language isn’t the “problem”-it’s a distraction in the real issue.

ALSO READ-All The Pressures Of A Perfect Home—And Why It’s Okay To Leave The Dishes In The Sink!

Addressing Things I Really Mean

The particular problem? The infinite catch-22 women are held in: We’re asked to remain small in spaces which were never made with us in your mind, after which we’re policed for a way we adapt. We’re told to “man up”, even from fellow women, and also to become more direct.

Possibly it’s time for you to re-evaluate communication in general rather of seeing our language because the issue. Who made the decision that certain particular way was the proper way? Should still it be?

I, for just one, am of the fact that whatever language women desire to use, we ought to. Exclamation points, emojis, and qualifiers (or even the lack thereof) shouldn’t be the main difference between being heard or overlooked.

“Exclamation points, emojis, and qualifiers (or even the lack thereof) shouldn’t be the main difference between being heard or overlooked.”

Rather, I’m thinking about thoughtful and intentional messaging, even if which includes a qualifier or more.

ALSO READ : Set A Cozy Mood With These 11 Natural & Nontoxic Candles

With regards to written communication like texts and email, I’ll perform a second read-through to consider terms like just, I am talking about, I believe, really, type of, donrrrt worry otherwise, merely a second, clearly, hmm, and sorry.

Instead of removing all qualifiers, I’ll consider which of them appear most organic. Actually, saying just or I believe sometimes feels more authentic to who I’m, but I’ll also ask myself: Which statements or feelings will i know to be real will be able to reframe? And before a request or question, I’ll even question if qualifiers feel appropriate to include in. Maybe my real question is quick, or it will just take one minute.

Most importantly though, I prioritize finding yourself in spaces where my perspective is reliable and communication styles offer a similar experience. Then i don’t depend heavily on filler words because I’m well informed, however i am heard even if I actually do.

Because we shouldn’t focus a lot on the kind of language women employ-and rather ask why we consider any language “wrong” to begin with. It’s time we stop policing women altogether and get the larger questions.

Just saying.